home alone

My last exam of my sophomore year was Saturday night at seven o’clock. I wrote two exams on saturday, my two most important [one being relevant to my major, the other needing a better mark than what I was going in with], so Friday was a day full of stress and worry. At the peak up my upset, on Friday afternoon, I was on the verge of tears and just wanted to give up when I checked my facebook messages to find that I had received one from my mother. She had written me to ask if I would like her to come and pick me up from school on Sunday, rather than me waiting and going back with Joey on Thursday. I began to cry, this time with relief and gratitude towards my ever-thoughtful mother.

On her way down, my mother picked up my sister from her respective university, just for the drive and the help packing and moving. After dropping off half of my possessions at the apartment where I will be living in the fall, we packed the rest of my stuff into the car, had some supper, and headed home.

While it felt extremely nice to be finished, to head home where there would be no work to be done [at least for the first little bit], I knew that I was leaving something crucial behind: my social life.

Oh, and my boyfriend.

We don’t often spend time apart. At school, for the past two years, we’ve lived in the same residence buildings, meaning we were never more than a few steps away from each other. This year especially, neither of us had roommates, we lived on the same floor, and had a lot of the same friends, so we were basically inseparable. Which makes these past few days especially rough. He is still at school, surrounded with friends, and no rules or overbearing parents, while I’m stuck at home with no one but my bratty, fifteen year old brother to keep me company, and parents that have been breathing down my neck since I stepped in the door on Sunday night. Can you tell me in what way this is fair?

when things get nasty

I found this article on dearsugar today, and thought it quite interesting:

Dear Sugar,

Although I wasn’t actually looking, I met a guy online through a forum and we just fell for each other. We have known each other about two years now but declared our feelings for each other within the last year. He says he really loves me, and I love him. He lives in another country, so obviously it’s a long-distance relationship. I have never met him in person but we talk on the phone, through IM, and via email. We’re finally meeting up this Summer for the first time.

The problem is that his best friend and one of my close friends — another girl we met through the same forum, didn’t know about us. We didn’t tell her because we both knew that she had a crush on him. She is very possessive over him, and we were both concerned about how she was going to handle it. Long story short, she discovered that we liked each other indirectly and now she is upset and hurt, and decided to take all of her anger out on me, not him.

He feels badly that all of this happened but wants us all to be friends again. He’s still friends with her and that upsets me because she has treated me very badly. I don’t trust her and he doesn’t seem to get it. Will our relationship last knowing that she is in the middle? What should I do?

— Not So Friendly Nora

When my boyfriend, Joey, and I got together, his best friend, Cathy (someone with whom I had been close friends for years before he came into either of our lives) got very jealous. She was upset that we were dating, and even hinted to me at one point without saying it directly that she did have feelings for him beyond friendship — although she is more than fourteen years our senior.

Joey and I have been dating for more than two years now, and it’s still a fight every time we come home from college for the summer; she expects him to spend all his free time with her, since he gets to see me all year — even though we’re in a very serious relationship.

My only regret in my relationship with my boyfriend is that I didn’t tell him when I had the chance to how she was making me feel, how she always seemed to be working against me to make him mad at me, and how she was constantly trying to steal him from me — something that guys often miss. They’re just like puppies: willing to follow whoever shows them a bit of attention.

He still hangs out with her whenever we head home for the summer, or even just for a weekend — in fact, she would be quite upset with him if he didn’t plan to spend time with her if he had the chance, and she would make it very clear to him that she was upset, something that I don’t really think is fair. To him or to me. Now even he thinks it’s okay if we don’t see each other while we’re at home, because we see so much of each other at school. Call me clingy — although I’ve never considered myself one of those — but I’m pretty sure that there is something wrong with that.

I get flustered whenever I talk about this. I don’t feel like I can talk to Joey about it, because he has such strong ties with her, and the triangle [what we've come to refer to our three-way relationship as] is still a relatively fresh and touchy subject. If Cathy is even mentioned in a slightly negative or ambiguous way, he wonders whether or not I meant it in a bad way.

I just wish that we could have a normal, boyfriend & girlfriend relationship, without worrying about spending “too much” time together [aka more than twice a week] and too little time with Cathy [anything less than twice a week]. I can’t wait to get married, just so that I can be with him and she won’t ask for all of his time.

I could go on for hours.
I’ll spare you the extended agony.

finding myself

it’s been a long time since i’ve expressed my feelings. in any way.

let’s hope that this proves to break my lockdown.